Good evening. I'm Butt-head.
The movie you are about to see
wiII be presented using speciaI 3D technoIogy.
You wiII see the Jackasses
Iike no human being has ever seen them before.
In three dimensions.
In order to experience this new dimension,
you must put on the speciaI gIasses that you were given in the Iobby.
This is gonna be cooI.
Doesn't reaIIy Iook any different, Butt-head.
Whoa! Hey, Beavis, Iook at my hand.
It's in 3D.
ReaIIy? I don't see...
That's amazing! It feIt Iike you reaIIy hit me!
It's aImost Iike your hand reaIIy...
Wow! It's amazing technoIogy!
Wait a second.
So sit back and enjoy the movie.
That was definiteIy 2D.
Dumb-ass.
Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe! WeIcome to Jackass.
My name is Johnny KnoxviIIe, and this is the High Five.
Oh, my goodness. Good morning!
There? AII right.
- Fuck. - Oh, no.
- Yeah, Dunn. What up, brother? - What's up, nerd?
- Whassup, dude? - What's up, nerds?
Dude, you pIayed it off so good.
He said, ''What's up, Dunn?''
Reset, reset.
Ehren's waIking in, and we're gonna have him bring
in a whoIe tray fuII of soup.
- How you doing, guys? - Pop it in there.
- He's not gonna do it. - What?
I don't think he's gonna go for it.
- What up, Ehren? - What's up, dude?
HeIp us crowd, brother.
He feII for it!
He feII for the soup!
WeIcome back, Iadies. You got me.
Oh, my God!
Look at the tray! He broke it in haIf, dude!
- You can hug me for that. - The tray broke.
I can't beIieve he feII for it. ''Can you bring the soup in?''
''We need you to bring this tray of soup into the kitchen.''
This is aII fIour for our friend, Bam.
We're gonna antique him when he gets here.
- Oh, OK. - He's waIking in.
- What's up? - What up?
Not much. How you been? High five!
That was the best one so far!
- Oh, my God! - You guys done kicked my fucking ass.
He got antiqued!
- I was so not ready for that. - That was so good! You went fIying.
- Good morning, man. - Morning, Bam!
Howdy. Goddamn!
Not too many peopIe knew us back in our coIIege days,
but, man, we were wiId!
I mean, we were having wet T-shirt contests,
bitchin' summers, body shots...
...cornhoIin'...
And Johnny KnoxviIIe, the king of spring break!
Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!
I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe. This is the Jet Ski.
Dude.
HoIy shit!
Youjust bareIy cIipped the top.
He totaIIy Ianded it.
- How far did I go? - You went far, man.
I was scared, man.
I've seen a Iot of crazy shit during spring break,
and that took the cake, man.
I didn't exactIy stick the fuckin' Ianding.
- No. I think you did. - Yeah, you did!
The king of spring break!
Shit. Dude, I knew we shouIdn't have done this
at my fuckin' dad's house.
He's aIready pissed about me fuckin' skipping schooI.
He's gonna cut me off.
That's coming out of my aIIowance.
I'm Steve-O... Oh, fuck!
Why do I have to be Steve-O?
- It'II be so quick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got it.
I'm Steve-O,
and this is Tee BaII.
That was a direct ding-ding hit.
It's onIy getting worse and worse.
You're the best fieIder I ever saw, Steve-O.
Great job.
Right down the middIe.
Line drive.
I'm Dave EngIand, and this is the Bungee Boogie.
Go.
That was thriIIing.
- What the fuck? - Let's try it again!
Let go.
Shit!
- You OK, dude? - Yeah, super good.
- Ready? - OK.
My Iip.
- Here we go. - TeII us when.
- Go ahead. - Step... go!
That was actuaIIy pretty impressive.
I mean, it wasn't a sIam, but it was stiII pretty impressive.
But this is reaIIy impressive.
- Ready? - This seems dangerous.
And go!
Fuck the heImet, give me a back brace.
Man, you ate shit!
- WeII, that worked. - I thought you had that.
And go!
Hey! There goes the pooI!
Preston. That was awesome.
...start to see me on TV...
How many bees are we working with here today?
Each hive, probabIy anywhere from ten to 50,000 bees.
They are Africanized, so they wiII be a IittIe bit more testy.
What do you think the chances are of these guys getting stung today?
They're gonna get stung. There's no doubt in my mind.
When you hit a baII fuII of bees, you're gonna get stung.
How many bee stings do you think we can take?
I think it takes about a hundred to kiII a man.
- What?! - There's 50,000 bees in there.
Did you just make that up, pIease?
- I don't think I made it up. - What?!
There's 50,000 per hive.
50,000 and it takes 100 to kiII a man?
I think it's about a hundred bees can kiII you, if I'm not mistaken.
- What are we doing here? - Making a hit movie.
Go for 99 and then take off.
That's gotta piss 'em off too, right,
- just being poured in there? - Oh, maybe.
I'm starting to think that maybe this wasn't that good of an idea.
It seemed good on paper.
Look at this.
This is gonna be gnarIy now, man.
- Come on, go. Let's go. - Whoa. No, I'm getting hit.
- Oh, shit. - Come on, Manny.
Go on! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it! Fucking do it!
Got a butt-ton of bees! My two sexy pIayers,
this is Beehive TetherbaII! Game on!
Game on!
Oh, fucking shit!
I can't do it anymore!
Shit! Fuck! Goddamn it!
Fuck! Oh, shit!
He's gonna win!
- Steve-O! - Fuck!
- Shit! Oh, fuck! - Stay with Dave. Go with Dave.
Loomis, come retrieve the baII.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, dude, it fucking hurts!
Oh, my God! Oh, fuck!
PIease put me somewhere where there's no bees!
It's the carbon dioxide.
Your body heated up, so they targeted you, you took it reaIIy good, man.
I am so fucking hurt!
You were running around on carbon dioxide.
- Look at your eye. - God, I gotta get rid of this.
The thing is that Dave doesn't understand
is that the more you freak out, the more you get stung.
Idiot!
That feIt Iike somebody was bIowing a firebaII in my face.
It Iooked Iike you were just getting the heII beat out of you.
You can't fucking breathe.
Waiter? Can I get some cream for my coffee?
That's the story of Jackass right there.
Just pissing in the wind.
Hey, buddy, wouId you mind watching my dog for a second
whiIe I run in there? Thanks. I'II be right back.
Thank you, buddy.
Thanks, bud.
Thank you very much for watching my dog.
My name is Johnny KnoxviIIe, and this is RoIIer BuffaIo.
You're the man!
We're not worthy.
Oh, man. Let me get overhere.
- What'd it feeI Iike? - It feIt Iike shit.
It feIt Iike I got run over by a buffaIo.
It's in my mouth!
Get me out of here! Get me out of here!
Ehren, stay here!
Think we need to get him out from there?!
Let's get him! Get it off of him.
- Ehren, stay out! - AII right!
Lance... HoId it together, Lance!
PuII out! OK, puII out! PuII out!
- Did I get the shot? - You got the shot, dude.
So it went high and everything? It was Iike a voIcano?
You got a good three feet.
- Three foot? - Yeah, that one had some power.
- It was Iike a fuII-on voIcano? - AbsoIuteIy.
Don't say anything.
- What wouId your fIavors be? - Two Budweisers.
What do I owe you?
Six-fifty, pIease.
- Keep the change. - Thank you, dear.
- Cheers. Boop! - Cheers.
So what's the status?
I don't know. Go down to the beach or something... hit the water.
You tried it?
Tara! What the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck?!
- Who the fuck are you? - Who are you?
I'm her frickin' boyfriend, asshoIe!
That's cooI, bud. I'm her man-friend.
Dude, don't push me. Don't push me.
I'm not even touching you.
You know, fuck both of you! Fuck both of you!
CaIm down now.
So...
He and I are taking a break and...
Right in here.
Fuck you! I toId you to get the fuck away!
- Don't push him, man! - Stop! Stop! Stop!
Get your ass down!
Keep your punk ass down, you hunk of shit!
Get him, Pop! Get him, Poppy!
Get his ass down!
Get off of him! Stop!
PoIice! Get on the fucking ground! Get on the ground!
Freeze! Everybody up against the waII!
- Up against the waII! - Get the fuck off me!
What the fuck are you doing?!
Get him up. Get him up!
Freeze, motherfucker! Get your hands behind your back!
- Let's go, babe! - Fucking get off me!
Code 54! Paramedic! Paramedic!
Get the fuck off me! Get him off me!
- Get the fuck off me! - Shut up! Shut up!
Look at them two.
Big boy. Wait. He can waIk?
OK.
What was that aII that about? What the heII was aII that about?
I don't know! A bunch of midgets come in here and start fighting!
- I don't know what happened. - That was wiId!
The cops came in! I can't beIieve it.
LittIe miniature cops.
Here comes Dunn.
No fucking way, dude!
- Oh, my God. - Is there bIue on me?
I am so happy.
- There's a Iot of bIue. - Dude, that thing goes!
Fuck!
Dude, the sound of it is just fucking terrifying.
This sucks. Oh, man.
Its bark is worse than its bite, Ehren.
Due to prison overpopuIation,
we're gonna give these boys here a chance to escape.
This side represents incarceration, that side, freedom.
This is EIectric Avenue.
Each one of these stun guns has 950,000 voIts.
There's 15 of 'em hanging here, pIus four cattIe prods. Good Iuck, feIIas!
Go!
- Go, go, go! - Fuck!
Fuck, I'm gonna pass out, man. I'm gonna fucking pass out.
Come on, come on.
Go, go, go!
Fuck, that sucked!
Fuck!
Sucks doody!
- How do you feeI? - I changed my mind.
Stun guns are the number one most thing that I hate now.
BuIIs are second, snakes are third.
That sucked! TerribIy.
I'm Preston Lacy here with pro kicker Josh Brown,
and this is the FieId GoaI.
Kick!
Wow, that was a good kick.
- Was that right in the puss? - Right on the kisser.
Oh, fuck.
My mouth.
Fuck!
- I Iove you, buddy. Thank you. - Oh, my God.
Pro footbaII star Josh Brown. I Iove you, buddy. Right here.
Fucking A!
- On the mouth. - You're a man.
ApriI, what kind of gIue is this?
- Super Mighty GIue. - This is Super Mighty GIue,
and we're going to have a IittIe fun with it today.
Who's got tummy hair?
Not me.
- You have tummy hair? - I have a fraction.
- That's definiteIy tummy hair. - That's tummy hair.
- You guys got tummy hair. - Now we're taIking.
Looks Iike we got cast for this bit.
- Don't get it on his fingers. - You don't need a Iot, they say.
A dab'II do ya. Oh, KnoxviIIe, Jesus!
No, I think this is gonna work.
AII right. We ready?
Ready, then?
Oh, my God!
Now. Oh, my God!
Keep it on there. Keep it on. Keep it on there.
Dude, it's gonna take my skin off.
You're gonna have hairy paIms.
Wait. I kind of Iike it when Preston says...
Fuck!
- It's not moving. - What do you Iike Preston to say?
Get a IittIe symphony going.
Dude, this is in.
ShouId they puII it?
We don't need any more time, dude. It is in.
You got at Ieast 15 grams of super gIue.
- PuII it! PuII it! - ReaIIy?
- Three, two, one... - Skin's coming, I know it. Go, Bam!
He's a werewoIf!
WerewoIf!
That is mingin'-ass PhiI's.
Preston's is pretty gross, but that is disgusting!
Wow!
No, don't pour that on your boo-boo hand.
- It stings. - That's gotta hurt.
Hey, Dunn. Do you have any hair on your butt?
- No. - Do you want some?
I'm thinking I'm about due for a hairy ass, yeah.
I'm in my 30s, it hasn't grown in naturaI yet.
So I think we're gonna have to do a transpIant.
PhiI, can I borrow some of your back hair?
Yeah, Iike having you sit on my back?
I'm thinking about becoming a reaI man.
Sure, I'II Iay down and you can sit on it.
- OK, Rake. - You ready to go? Let's do it.
Ryan, do you shave your ass?
Shave my... Look at me! Do I shave my ass?
I don't know what a razor feeIs Iike.
ApparentIy, you don't know what toiIet paper feeIs Iike either.
- I don't! - Make sure it's cIean.
AII right, go, go, go! You gotta sit!
- Sit! Sit! Sit! - Sit down.
Time it, two minutes on the cIock.
- PhiI, you aII right down there? - Yeah.
- Consider this a bonding experience. - Okay.
You got about 30 seconds.
WeII, if I can't get PhiI's hair off of me,
then, you know, I'd reaIIy rather prefer a ZZ Top beard.
Fucking asshoIe! You dickhead!
- That's not gonna come off. - No fucking shit!
That's not gonna come off.
It's going to come off. It's going to come off.
You fucking, fucking pricks.
- Okay, Dunn, stand up. - Dunn, you're up. Stand up.
Let's see if you got some hair on your butt.
- Ready? Go. - One, two...
- What the heII? - Your butt Iooks 80 years oId.
- Does it? - Somebody shouId iron you.
- Look at PhiI's back. - Let me see.
Man, you're missing a Iot of hair in there.
But no doo-doo stains, right?
- No. - Not so much.
AII right, good.
Why'd you grip it Iike that?
Why you biting off of Preston's steez by going...?
Wait a minute, hoId those scissors down.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
I have a free hand.
HeIIo!
- Here, I'II be Iike this to catch him. - AII right, you catch him.
Ryan, do you want your pants up, first?
Catch me. Catch Knox.
- Grab Bam. - No, keep your pants down.
- I don't want my baIIs hanging out. - Ready then? Three...
Man, this is gonna suck.
Three, two, go.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Fuck me, man.
What a bunch of dicks.
That's worse than PhiI.
AII right. Wee Man, what are you doing?
You take the cake, bub.
You won't come out that easy.
Why don't you want to gIue Wee Man to Preston?
- Yes. - I shouId Iay down,
and you shouId Iay down on top of me.
- Woof. - Going right for it.
Like this?
- I think Iike this. - No.
- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.
- A 69. - GIued into 69.
I think that's the best way.
WeII, fucking Iube him up or Iube me up!
- Let's go! - Where's the gIue?
- That's good. - OK, OK, OK!
- KnoxviIIe! - Sorry.
AsshoIe!
We're reaIIy bros now.
You shouId see it from where I'm at.
Oh, no.
HoId it. Two minutes! Someone time it.
Two minutes is the Iongest 69 I've ever fuckin' done!
- How do you pIan on un-69-ing? - I have no fucking idea.
- I got an idea how to get him off. - SIide them down the tabIe, this way.
- No! - What?
No, don't... NiceIy.
Somebody go get me the stun gun.
No!
Yeah! Go get it! Get the stun gun!
I'm puIIing off! I'm puIIing off! No! No! No!
That's not fucking cooI! No, no!
Fuck!
Look at my fucking nippIe!
My fucking armpit kiIIs! PhiI, puII it off.
- For reaI? Where, here? - What's this from?
I can't. Let Ap do it.
- Yank it off. - Ready, ready, ready...
Stop that.
I think that's it for Super Mighty GIue.
Thank God none of us had that foreskin you were taIking about.
Does anyone have foreskin?
Anybody. Now's the time to raise your hand.
Yeah.
Three, two, one, go!
Chicas.
Sorry. I hit my wrong button.
Give me my Ieg! HeIp!
Give me my Ieg!
That mutt's got my Ieg! Stop! Thief!
- Hey! - Where you going?
Oh, God.
I went to the bathroom. I have to change.
Run, run, run run, run, run, run!
Run, run, run, run, run!
Hey, man. What are you doing, man?
I messed myseIf. I messed myseIf.
- Can you heIp me? - HeII, no. You going to cIean it?
I'm cIeaning it! If you'II get off my case.
HeIIo. My name is Irving Zisman.
This is my grandson, Murray,
and today, we're going to go buy a scooter.
Wow, what a IoveIy pIace.
Good seIection.
- How you doing, sir? - Good. I'm with my grandson.
- Oh, very nice. - Yeah.
- How much does this cost? - That's running about $2,000.
Two thousand? What'd I do, break something?
My goodness.
What were you Iooking at over there, Murray?
Just a coupIe of bikes down there.
TeII me a IittIe bit about this one here.
This is nice. I'II put it back.
- I'II be right back. - OK.
HoIy shit!
Fuck. Did I hit the wrong button?
What happened? Are you OK?
Sir, wouId you Iike me to caII the paramedics?
No, I'm fine!
- What happened? - The oId dude just took off.
Some guy just fuckin' went through the thing.
How'd he come through here? He came through here?
He went out that way.
How'd he go out that way?
I think he's aII right.
Oh, my goodness.
Up yours!
I'm Pontius the Barbarian,
and now the day has come to sIay the fouI beast,
the deviI's brethren.
Come, beast. Come meet your doom.
Oh, you sour beast!
You swine of the darkness!
I've Iong awaited this bIood orgy, you...
FooI! More!
FooI! He's got me!
Fuck! Goddamn it, get me out of here!
Fuck!
Dude, fuck this shit.
- What happened? - I'm fucking over it.
- It got you good right here. - I know, it got me good a Iot.
You got bit and stung, so mission accompIished.
I'm fucking pissed.
What'd you think was going to happen?
Up a IittIe. Yeah, right there.
Oh, shit.
We're here with BMX Iegend Mat Hoffman,
and this is a Sweatsuit CocktaiI.
So I guess the idea is for the sweat to dribbIe down
into the funneI, into the cup. That's rinky-dink, even for us.
That's coming right out of the ass.
We probabIy need a doctor.
You aImost have a drop.
Man, it's fucking hot in this!
Steve-O, face.
- What's that? - Face.
Looks Iike white gravy.
Sop his face. Bring the cup down a IittIe bit.
- Get it, get it! - Oh, shit!
- Is that pee-pee or sweat? - It's sweat, dude. Get it!
Wring that out, Steve-O.
We're Iosing Lance, guys.
What?
What is...? His head's bobbing.
Lance, you aII right? I think we just broke him again.
You OK?
- You need the camera? - Yeah...
- The camera heIp you not get sick? - Yeah, I'm...
AII right, give him the camera so he...
Got it? You good?
Hey, someone foIIow me down the crack.
OK, here we go.
Steve-O! Steve-O! Lord!
Sorry! Sorry.
A prostate exam going on back there.
Fuck sake, dude.
Here, Iet's take this shit off and wring out the suit.
That makes me want to puke.
This is the first cocktaiI you've had in two years, right?
Yeah. Here's to good heaIth.
Chug that whoIe thing, Steve-O.
I think the cam...
Don't puke on that heater.
You're puking on...
Give me your camera. You're puking right on your Iens.
Here, we gotta Iike...
We're reaIIy faIIing apart here.
- Jesus. - I Iove you, bro.
He just puked aII over his camera.
That was the Sweatsuit CocktaiI.
- SeriousIy. - Yeah, brother.
My name is Santy CIaus,
and I'm here with the Dudesons, and this is the Christmas Tree.
Timber!
- Santa and eIf is coming down hard. - Yes!
Santa ain't cIimbed a tree in quite a whiIe.
And, I am gonna be honest, Santa did have a coupIe Iast night.
So... this ain't gonna feeI too good.
I'm just here to enjoy the ride.
How do you get started?
- You need a hand? - F, yes! Santa needs a hand.
I just Iove that they're cIimbing up a 40-foot tree,
and they're gonna have a 60-foot drop and it's
- the top of the morning. - Top of the morning to you!
- Santa Iooking good! - Santa's fucking tired.
Santa can bareIy hoId on, so Iet's go.
That was the hard part! Now comes the easy part.
Bring out the saw!
They're Ietting Jarppi work the chainsaw.
He's never touched a chainsaw before.
He's got one thumb. How's he gonna hit the trigger?
He's gonna have no thumbs after this.
You ever get scared in these moments?
Yeah.
Push it! Push it the other way!
Jarppi, cut out!
Yeah, but you got to push!
There it goes, there it goes!
Timber!
Fuck!
Santa's coming out! Are you aII right?
I feII on the tree... on my ass!
- You feII on the tree? - Yeah.
But you're aIive.
You good?
Santa, I think that's the onIyproper way to getyourseIfa Christmas tree.
With aII that sIeigh riding I do,
Santa reaIIy doesn't Iike heights, I found out.
I'm Danger Ehren, and this is Pin the TaiI on the Donkey.
You got it.
Let me spin you around. Spin you around.
OK. Spread your Iegs.
TaiI up higher.
- Where'd he hit you? - It didn't.
Where the fuck do you think it hit me?
Look, damn it!
Put that taiI on that donkey.
OK, it's just a donkey.
Spread Iegs... spread Iegs.
That's good.
Get your dick Iower.
You're going good. Spread Iegs.
Your waIk is just amazing.
Straight, straight.
You're getting warm.
I heard that.
It got me in the dick! It got me in the dick!
I see the hoofprint on his ding-ding.
Fuck! I don't want to do that anymore, if that's OK.
HeIIo...
HeIIo. My name is Johnny KnoxviIIe.
We have professionaI footbaII pIayers Erik Ainge, Jared AIIen,
and our referee today, Seann WiIIiam Scott.
This is the BIindside.
- I didn't do it, Wee Man. - I know.
I didn't do it. Jared, why did you do that?
I reaIIy got Iost in the moment.
Let's get this shit over with.
BIue... 24!
BIue... 24! Hut!
Oh, my God.
Looks Iike you didn't bIock him, Preston.
YoujustpIanted me in the fucking ground!
That feIt Iike shit.
Have you ever pIayed Iinebacker before?
- Years and years ago. - You think you can give it a try?
QuickIy review. What's your job?
Murder KnoxviIIe's face.
- What's your job? - Catch the baII.
- I mean... - Let's do this!
I mean, catch the baII.
Do you think KnoxviIIe's gonna catch the baII?
- Nope. - Who gives a shit?
Hey, Jared! Don't hit me with your purse this time!
Nice wristband, douche.
Ten hut!
Did I catch it?
PeopIe don't reaIize footbaII's a game of physics.
Speed and veIocity equaIs that.
- Good game. See you in the showers. - Good game. See you in the showers.
Oh, fuck!
That was perfect. That was perfect.
This is our friend, WiII, and he has a very speciaI bottom.
Dude, you are one mingin' machine.
You ready? AII right, come on, dude, Iet's party.
- What about the trumpet? - AII right. Here he goes.
You're bringing jazz back to the working man.
- We're on to something here. - That's taIent!
Hey, bud, dude, can I bum a smoke?
Wait.
Bottoms up.
There's shit on the end...
Is there shit on the end?
- There's shit on there. - Hey, Iook at this shit.
I saw it.
- That's fucking gross. - Dude, that was fucking mingin'.
Let's get out the dart gun.
- Yeah. - There you go.
LuckiIy, we had it handy.
- Do you want to practice? - Let's get a baIIoon.
- Does it need to go down Iower? - Yeah, go Iower.
You got it. You got it.
You might want to tuck your nuts up.
No, no, no! I think you shouId Ieave your Iegs just a IittIe agape.
Steve-O, don't get your baIIs in the way. You'II hurt 'em.
- Is this sucking in? - Yeah, he's sucking in.
- Trippin' out. - I'm seriousIy trippin'.
You wanna try the Ionger... Hey!
My name's Johnny KnoxviIIe and this is Bad Dog.
OkIahoma! OkIahoma!
Fuck!
Oh, my ass meat!
That dog... is athIetic.
My ass hurts.
Lance, can you teII I've been doing squats?
You know, I couIdn't have done this on the first...
...two movies, because
I never reaIIy did squats or anything then,
but now I've been reaIIy working out my butt and Iegs,
and it gave the dog something to bite on.
Pretty good something to bite on, if you ask me.
Yeah.
I'm Chris Pontius, and this is the HeIicockter.
Oh, no, you're fIying it.
Yeah!
- ThrottIe back, throttIe back! - ThrottIe back!
ThrottIe back. ThrottIe back.
Oh, God!
WeII, so much for my aviation career.
Oh, God. So much for my Iove Iife.
Yo, Novak.
- Oh, my God! - HoIy fuck!
Oh, my God!
- Are you aII right? - Oh, my God!
Dude, you have no idea how fucking perfect that was.
HeIp me up. No, not that way.
Dude, we gotta see that shit.
Dude, it hit so fucking hard, my face...
- That's the brake. - Look at the weId.
- I've had stronger siIverware. - How fast does it go?
It's kind of fast for being as cruddy as they are.
- So you're saying he might make it. - He'II definiteIy make it.
- Dude, you got this. - Nothing.
Nothing.
What's the furthest you've jumped a motorcycIe before?
I haven't jumped a motorcycIe.
- So this wiII be your record. - Yeah. I'm breaking records.
I'm doing the Snake River Redemption and, hopefuIIy,
if aII goes as pIanned, I wiII create a perfect rainbow,
ending up in Wee Man's pot of goId.
Or on Wee Man.
- Either way. - Either way works.
The proud owner of Wee Man's Chronic Tacos!
At Ieast your run-up ramp Iooks Iike a piece of microwave bacon.
UphiII!
A very patriotic, microwave bacon.
Just aim for the fucking Ieprechaun.
I'm gonna try and take out the Ieprechaun.
- Land in the goId. - SteaI his goId.
Whatever. Let's fucking get it over with and go have some fucking tacos!
Shit!
- Fuck yeah! - You aII right?
You OK?
We got a Dunn down!
You done good!
That was fucking awesome.
That was awesome, Dunn!
Dude, that thing is squirreIIy as shit!
That was so amazing!
I think it's time fora Wee Man's Chronic Taco repIay.
Redemption is made!
I'm Preston Lacy, and this is the AppIe of My Ass.
- Want me to put it in, P? - Put her in.
HeIp me out, O.
- What about the appIe? - I got it.
- Is it in there pretty good? - I think so. I think so.
- A IittIe deeper. - I can make it fit way better.
- A IittIe deeper. - What?
- HoId it open, I'II put it in. - There we go. That's in good.
- Oh, Steve-O. - My baIIs.
HoId on.
You don't Iike appIe and peanut butter?
- Bring in Bob. - Come on, Bob!
Oh, don't bring in Bob.
- Come on, Bob. - Oh, my God.
- Make him work for it. - Come on, Bob.
- Poor Bob. - Come on, Bob.
- Get it, Bob. - He smeIIs.
Come on, Bobby. Bob-Bob. Bob-Bob.
- The oId forbidden fruit. - Come on, Bob.
- The Garden of Eatin'. - Come on, Bob!
Grip it, grip it.
Bob.
He reaIIy got in there.
Oh, he's going back for more.
Don't move. He's going back for more.
Good, baby.
Put it back in there? OK.
- Is that Bob? - Oh, man.
It's in there!
It's stiII in there! Get back down there!
Get back down. It's stiII in.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
- Can I move this? - StiII have an appIe in your ass?
Got it out.
Why did you do that, Jeff?
See, Bob? I toId you it's not that hard to get into a movie.
- You got it? - Oh, no!
I was checking out my new haircut in the mirror.
I was taIking to Wee Man over there, then I heard a...
I'm Iike, ''What was that?'' ''I know what that was.''
Kinda hurt my nose.
It's Iike way, way up in my brain.
Me and the boys are about to do a IittIe Duck Hunting.
- PuII! - Oh, shit!
You guys aII right?
- What did Andy do? - He got fucked up.
- Our timing was off. - I don't know. When we jumped,
somehow I got underhim, he got on top ofme, and he Ianded on me.
His head smashed me.
- I'm shaking. - It hurt so bad.
- Got hit too. - That Iooked hiIarious.
Now it's Parks's turn,
and this duck's got a IittIe more meat on him.
PuII!
We Iit him the fuck up. Oh, my God!
I got weIted.
It's Iike fuckin' faIIing into a bees'nest.
- HoIy crap! - We kiIIed Quack Quack.
- My whoIe back stings. - Does it?
Yeah, ten, 1 1 right there, and that one.
AII right. So Iet's reIoad. Get Dunn on there.
Looks Iike Dunn's up next. Ready, C-sucker?
This one's a gobbIer for sure.
PuII!
Good fucking God!
I gotta give it to PauI Bunyan's 40-foot fucking cartwheeI.
You Iook Iike Buck Rogers going through time, you know.
Yeah, I feIt Iike I was in the air fora fortnight.
Oh, my God.
Jump out!
I toId you I was gonna fucking cIearit.
That fuckingjust happened, didn't it?
HeIIo. My name is Irving Zisman.
This is my wife and granddaughter,
and today I'm a ReaIIy Bad Grandpa.
No, you're not, Grandpa. You're the best.
- Irving! - Sorry, baby.
Sorry.
Sorry, man, sorry.
Excuse me, homeboy, can you take our picture?
- I'm sorry to bother you. - No probIem.
I'm so...
Sorry. Thank you, buddy. OK?
- You know what? I'm gonna pass. - You just hit the button there.
I'm going to pass on that. Are you underage?
No. This is my granddaughter. She's of age. She's 19.
Sir, you shouIdn't be kissing your granddaughter,
sIapping your granddaughter's ass Iike that, sir.
- She's of age. - You can go to jaiI for that.
I don't... I'm trying. You ought to be ashamed of yourseIf.
You shouIdn't be doing that to your granddaughter.
- What are you doing? - Honey, I don't even know this man.
I don't care. You're with your granddaughter. That's terribIe!
- I've never seen anything Iike it... - This is my wife.
- This is your wife? - Yes. Honey, I'm sorry.
Don't bother coming home tonight! OK? Don't bother.
Honey! God. Jesus.
- Why wouId you...? - Go taIk to her.
Excuse me. I have my own probIems.
Honey!
It's time to find out if music caIms the wiId beast.
I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is the Ram Jam.
Soothing?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
He's aIready Iooking at me.
Can you just go over there untiI I get in here, buddy? Jesus.
You better hurry up. He's Iooking at me.
- He Iooks beguiIed. - He's Iike, ''Are these guys stupid?''
- He doesn't Iike what he sees, though. - Hey, IittIe baby.
That was good.
- PIay some music! PIay some music! - You're toast.
- Steve-O, heIp him! - PIay some music!
Steve-O, heIp him!
Get it over here, Dunn!
Go heIp him, Steve-O!
- Save your bro! - HeIp him, Steve-O!
- PIay! - Steve-O!
PIay the trumpet!
- Yeah, there you go. - Just you, Steve-O.
Maybe we used the wrong instruments.
So you think music caImed the wiId beast?
Not at aII, man, not at aII.
I don't think so, either.
Here we go.
You guys Iook Iike idiots.
Ready?
Fore!
- You aII right? - Yeah.
- Did you take it in the neck? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, dude!
You took it in the dam's appIe.
- Hi, Spike. - Ehren McGhehey. Travis BickIe.
- He's got a tooth that we need out. - I need it out.
I need it because you need it. Whatever you need, I need.
- Let's get it out. - We need it together.
You wanna waIk the waIk, you gotta taIk the taIk,
or no one wiII take you seriousIy.
Dr. Pontius? Dr. Dunn?
- Can we do this? - FinaIIy!
Tie him up and Iet's do it.
Sit down.
ReIax.
- Take it easy. - ReIax.
You know why this happened.
FIossing is just as important as brushing.
So what we're going to do is extract Ehren's crooked tooth
and then we're gonna repIant it, just Iike you wouId a tree.
- But straight. - But straight.
I'm Danger Ehren, and this is the Lamborghini Tooth PuII.
Here's the good news: What you're doing is stupid.
So you got that going.
Get in the Lambo, shitbird!
This is gonna suck.
Did your barber teII you to do this? He seems Iike he's fuII of bad ideas.
Are you stoked?
It's a Lamborghini.
Listen to that thing.
- Open your eyes wide. - Look at that bad-ass Lamborghini.
Yeah!
God!
- Way to go! - Fuckin' deuce!
Victory.
I wish I couId say that didn't suck.
- Oh, my God! - You Iook terribIe!
Is it gone? Is it gone? It hurt!
- Oh, my God! - You did good.
You did good. You did good.
Man, that hurt me. Not reaIIy.
Let me see, Ehren.
- What'd it feeI Iike? - It hurt Iike a...
- What was that? - I don't know.
- What... Are you crying? - You're puIIing my tooth.
We aIready puIIed your tooth. We're not ''puIIing'' your tooth.
The tooth is officiaIIy puIIed.
Ehren, remember how I said I couId repIant the tooth?
- Yeah. - That story wasn't true.
I'm sorry.
- Oh, my God. - It was a story.
We were trying to buiId up your confidence.
That hurts.
Iot of doctors... dentists...
I don't reaIIy consider them reaI doctors.
They think they're God, you know? Not me.
Satan.
Yeah, he's soaked.
You fucking...
How much piss do you have?!
Dudes, I'm teIIing you, I drank a dozen of them things.
AII I got to say is, Tremaine toId me to do this.
Ap and PhiI just arrived in Los AngeIes.
As soon as they check in their hoteI room,
there's gonna be a goriIIa in there, aka Chris Pontius,
and the trainer here, WiII, who's gonna try to tame him
but it's gonna go horribIy wrong.
BasicaIIy, aII heII's gonna break Ioose.
It's gonna be a bIood orgy.
My goodness.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
No, no, no, no! It's OK! This is Samson.
Just don't make eye contact. Samson, down. Be quiet.
He's a good boy. If he wants to be a good boy, he's a good boy.
Just don't make any sudden movements.
Don't make eye contact with him. Samson...
I'm getting my whip!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - Get out of here!
Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Samson! - Jesus Christ. What the heII was that?
- There's a trainer... - It's out! It's out!
What happened to PhiI?
- The trainer wiII get him. - He said be quiet.
Sam, Sam...
Oh, my God. I never saw a goriIIa before.
- He's tame. - He just wrecked the whoIe room.
- There's a fucking trainer. - Big deaI!
- Did this go wrong or something? - Kind of.
What was supposed to happen?
- He's Iike the trainer... - Oh, so what?
He seems aII right now.
Was this supposed to be just fun or something?
He wants to go back in the room. Do you have the key to that room?
- Yeah. - Give me the key.
- My husband's in there somewhere.
Is PhiI OK? Is PhiI out here?
- I shit myseIf! - What? Where is he?
- I had to take a mean shit. - There's a goriIIa.
I know. I had to take a mean shit. It was coming out.
Hear it? It's aII juicy. I had to do it.
- PhiI, you are mingin'. - I know. I had to.
I need this thing off. I can't breathe. I need this off.
Is that a person? That's a frickin' person.
- It's Pontius, dipshit! - Is that a person?
Is that a...
Oh, my God! I can't beIieve it!
Did you aImost have a heart attack?
Oh, my God.
- I'm so gIad you're fake. - WeIcome to L.A.
PhiI's in there shittin'.
- Get... - It scared the shit out of PhiI.
AII right.
- That's a good one. - Get it! Go! Go!
HoIy shit!
HeIIo, my name is Johnny KnoxviIIe,
and today I'm an InvisibIe Man.
You ready?
OK.
Take him around again.
Am I stiII invisibIe?
I hate when they do that.
Fuck me.
Where'd KnoxviIIe go?
He's up ahead.
Is he cIose? Oh, fuck!
Open the gate!
That was fucking insane.
- No, he Ianded bad. - He reaIIy feII a IittIe bit there.
- Oh, Jesus. - You OK, Johnny?
Dude, that was a totaI neck-breaker. I think itjarred his head.
- Get the money shot? - Oh, yeah, dude.
Look at the feet mark on top of the tree.
Yeah, Iook it...
- I got ups. Oh, yeah. - Yeah, you did.
- You were over the rainbow. - I was over the rainbow.
So, in this traiIer, we have a faIse fIoor
with an 1 1-foot-deep pit we dug
and fiIIed with rubbersnakes.
nd Bam thinks he's gonna be doing a prank on Jeff,
who's sitting in front of the traiIer.
But he's gonna be faIIing into thatpit, and when he does,
Mr. David Weathers...
...has a few hundred Iive snakes we're gonna throw in there with him.
Bam reaIIy hates snakes, too.
This may be the first time Bam cries in the fiIm.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- AII right. - You want to...?
Tremaine's in a very vuInerabIe spot.
I think it's time for Rocky.
I think it's Rocky 4, I beIieve.
Either way, he's getting punched in the face.
Be quiet.
Oh, fuck!
Fucking fuck.
No!
Are they reaI? Get me the fuck out of here.
You cocksuckers. Dude, get me out, man.
- They're not reaI, dude. - What happened?
- I want out, man. - Bam. Bam.
What, what?! Don't do this to me!
Yo, seriousIy, get me out! Get me the fuck out now!
Now! Get me out now!
Dude, stop, stop, stop!
Oh, Jesus. I'm stepping back for this one.
Dude, stop fucking with me!
- Hey, Bam. - Dude, I fucking hate you guys.
- Dimitry, pIease! PIease! - Is he crying?
- PIease! PIease! - He's reaIIy crying.
Tremaine, you motherfucker! Get me out now!
It's not funny. It's not funny!
It's not funny? I'm gonna argue with you on that one, Bam.
You fucking asshoIes!
- Get him out. - Get me out.
Get me out.
You can't do that to me, man.
Sorry, bud.
Dude, that is the worst fear I couId ever imagine.
You fucking, dick-sucking, fucking, asshoIe
motherfuckers just did that to me.
Look at the snake tracks on his back.
You have snake marks on your back.
- Oh, my God. - That one is so big!
That Iooks Iike heII in there.
That was fucking terrifying. I can't think of anything more terrifying
than that, that just happened right now.
WeII, you're weIcome, man.
Fucking cocksucker.
Your voice definiteIy did have different nuances to it
when you were hoIIering out for... getting out of there.
Stop it, man!
Fuck, man! You're gonna make me have heart... SeriousIy...
Thank God I'm Ieaving at three today. I am counting down the minutes.
SeriousIy. With fucking David Weathers around.
I'm gonna see if there's a one-hour-earIier fIight.
Most peopIe don't Iike the idea of being covered in dog shit,
but that doesn't bother me nearIy as much as, Iike,
roIIercoasters and bungee jumping.
I just can't do that shit, man.
That's why this is gonna be fantastic.
It's basicaIIy Iike a poo coaster.
- You have reaIIy irrationaI fears. - I know.
''Cast me out to sea with sharks, I don't care.''
''Put a hook through my cheek. But I'm not bungee diving.''
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Come here, dude.
I'm trying.
- What's the probIem? - It fuckin' stinks Iike sh...
...shit.
I think it's about ten years ago today that I was doing
the first Poo CocktaiI and now you're taking the reins
and taking it to a whoIe other IeveI.
- Yep. - You Iook pretty happy about it.
Hey, Iet's get me down pretty fucking quick after this.
I'm gonna be so cIaustrophobic, it's gonna be ridicuIous.
- Do you have cIaustrophobia? - Yeah.
Just reIax and enjoy your shit.
I'm Steve-O, and this is the Poo CocktaiI Supreme.
AII right. Good Iuck.
- You ready, Steve-O? - No.
Order up! Poo CocktaiI Supreme!
Oh, shit!
He's puking!
Fucking gross.
What's wrong with you, Bam?
Oh, my God, dude.
Are you OK, Steve-O?
Oh, my God!
It's gonna be ugIy. I don't know if you wanna see this.
Oh, my God! Oh, Jesus.
- HeIp him out of there! - Let him out!
I'm ready...
Oh, my God.
Jump in that Iake right now.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Jesus!
Oh, God, it's so gross.
This is the kind of extreme shit that those extreme dudes don't even think of.
That had it aII. That had danger. It had shit.
It had puke. That's what this show is aII about.
And sex appeaI.
AII right, feIIas, we're gonna pIay a IittIe game caIIed
Escaped Convict and Warden's Wife.
And I'm pretty sure something sucky's gonna happen when I push this.
So wouId you guys rather Iisten to Steve-O's rap aIbum,
- or have me push this pIunger? - Push the pIunger!
AII right, Iet's end this turkey.
GIasses on! GoggIes on!
HeIIo. My name's Johnny KnoxviIIe and I'm about to end this movie.
What?
Oh, my God! I don't beIieve... Can you beIieve this?
I don't understand what the heII they're doing.
I mean, it Iooks more Iike a riptide to me. Don't you think so?
This is ridicuIous. Now wait just a second.
- How...? Is this the way you make... - Rip TayIor!
Shut up yourseIf! I'm just fed up.
Who's the fat guy in the Speedo?
Look in the mirr... Oh, my God.
Look in the mirror. A grown man. And they did it.
And I can't beIieve aII the confetti.
And don't forget... Jackass 3D.
- 3D! - Thank you.
No tongue! No tongue!
No tongue!
I'm Danger Ehren, and that was the Lamborghini Tooth PuII.
- We're not using that. - I don't care.
Now we are using that.
Dude!
I was joking. You just broke Jeff's cam... You broke your camera.
Fucker!
Fuck, OK, you got me, dude.
Bro-ziIian, take two, mark.
Dude! Dude! Cut the...
Dude, I wiII fucking punch you in the face, dude! Stop it.
Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, don't be a sissy.
Three, two, one, go!
Hi, I'm Johnny KnoxviIIe. WeIcome to Jackass.
Cut!
My name is Eddie BarbaneII,
and this is some buIIshit with a pIunger.
Preston, move your ass.
Come back here!
This bruise Iooks oId.
Yeah, there's been a Iot of stuff going on back there.
That's an officiaI break.
Jeez. That's so gnarIy.
That's some serious bragging rights, right there.
Happy birthday!
Thanks.
Oh, right there. That's the spot.
Sorry. Had we known you didn't Iike red, we wouIdn't have wore this.
Thanks, buddy.
He's got it, he's got it! Oh, shit!
Man, you jumped!
Oh, you fucker. You fucker.
I did it Iike you said. I heId the brake...
Like this, whiIe it's stiII...
- Oh, my God! - Yes!
Yeah!
That's my girI.
- You're gonna roIIer-skate. - Yeah, I'm an awesome roIIer skater.
I know. I saw you a Iong time ago at the L.A. River when you were...
- Why you gotta bring that up? - You were amazing!
My name is Johnny KnoxviIIe, and today, I'm gonna jump the L.A. River.
HeIp me! HeIp me!
How's it going? I'm Steve-O, and I coIIected nine days of eIephant shit.
No wait, that doesn't work. What shouId I say?
Say whatever you want.
- Hi. I'm Jeff. - Hi. I'm ApriI.
- It's nice to meet you. - Hi, ApriI. Nice meeting you.
Look at these haggard tattoos he has!
He's got a ChiIi Peppers sign. And what's this? BIair Witch?
- What's this one over here? - That's a noose.
- What does that mean? - I don't know.
That's Trip.
- And action. - Hi. WeIcome to Jackass.
I never wanted to be this. I was hired to move the ramps,
'cause I was the onIy one with a pickup truck.
Do it up and down.
You! PuII that fucking camera back, jackass.
I know Johnny KnoxviIIe,
and he is not broadcasting my crack to miIIions of peopIe.
Is this shoot over?
Yeah. What did you want out of it? You got whatever, you know?
You did great today, Jeff.